I'm having a few withdrawal symptoms from the Effexor that kept me sane for another 8 months, but nothing as horrid as I was led to expect.  I think being away from Mary for this period has really helped me, but I still see a steep uphill climb, especially since I plan to cancel my near-useless health insurance that has cost me $450 a month with a $2K/yr deductible.  Interesting calculation: food or insurance.  Hmmm.

I AM working toward something artistically, due to Bill's passion for hunting, and that will help, but though I'm doing much better than I expected at this point, I know that my mind is just barely in control of my brain at this time, and when it gives up, I'll be forced back to ECT.  There is no issue there except the damnable cost.  Both the ECT and the Effexor have ended up costing me about $1K/mo, so I guess for me that is just a continuing cost of staying in business (alive).  At least the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I've used has really helped keep me afloat during this latest episode, and I'm working hard to see my way through.

It is hard knowing that I'll never have the things or options I once had... that I am still starting over at 60.  And without a good woman's love to help light the stars at night, the darkness is deep indeed.